Part 1: How to Spot Early Warning Signs Without Overreacting
For many adult children, the worry doesn’t arrive all at once.
It starts quietly. A missed appointment. A story repeated twice at dinner. A parent who suddenly seems overwhelmed by something they once handled without thinking.
The hardest part isn’t noticing something’s changed. It’s knowing whether that change actually means something.
(Before we go any further, why not take our Alzheimer's Quiz to see what subjects you should pay extra attention to?)
Normal aging does affect memory — but not function
Most people experience some slowing as they age. Words come a little later. Names slip away for a moment. Keys go missing and then reappear.
That, experts say, is not what sets off alarm bells.
“Normal aging usually looks like slower processing, not lost abilities,” explains Barbara Sparacino, an adult and geriatric psychiatrist known as The Aging Parent Coach. “It’s misplacing your keys sometimes, but still being able to retrace your steps and find them.”
What matters more than memory lapses is whether daily life still works.
“When daily life gets harder in a clear, new way,” Sparacino says, “that’s a red flag.”
Read Barbara Sparacino's full comments on early warning signs
“Normal aging usually looks like slower processing, not lost abilities. It’s misplacing your keys sometimes, but still being able to retrace your steps and find them. It’s occasionally searching for a word, but the story still has a beginning, middle, and end.
True cognitive decline shows up as changes in function, not just memory glitches. That might look like: getting lost on a familiar route, repeating the same question every few minutes, mixing up bills or medications in ways that are very out of character, or noticeable changes in judgment, personality, or language. When daily life gets harder in a clear, new way, that’s a red flag.
I tell adult children to ask themselves three questions:
1. Is this new or clearly worse than a year or two ago?
2. Is it happening more and more often?
3. Is it starting to affect safety, money, meds, or relationships?
If the answer is yes, it’s time to stop chalking it up to ‘just getting older’ and bring these observations to a medical professional for a proper evaluation, ideally in a calm, non-accusatory way, as ‘something I’m noticing and want to check out together.’”
The key question doctors ask: Does it affect daily living?
That same distinction comes up again and again among clinicians who work with families at the earliest stages of concern.
“The distinction between normal aging and true cognitive decline lies in the impact on daily living,” says Jay Mikosch, Campus Executive Director of Wellington Bay and Lisbet Memory Care in Florida.
With normal aging, Mikosch explains, forgetfulness is usually an inconvenience. With cognitive decline, it begins to interfere with complex tasks — managing money, following familiar routines, or staying oriented in well-known places.
Read Jay Mikosch's full comments on early warning signs
Most of us have misplaced our keys or walk into a room and forgot what went their to do or get from time to time. The distinction between normal aging and true cognitive decline lies in the impact of daily living.
With normal aging, memory lapses or “forgetfulness” are generally minor inconveniences and do not significantly impact a person’s ability to function independently. Cognitive changes associated with true cognitive decline typically are significant enough and often cause some degree of difficulty with more complex tasks.
What behavioral changes often appear first
Typically, the behavioral changes are subtle at first. Mild depression, apathy, or even irritability may appear. Often a person will begin to withdraw from social situations. Suspiciousness is another indicator of behavioral changes associated with cognitive decline.
What NOT to do (nagging, arguing, correcting)
Nagging, arguing or correcting never work! As difficult as it may be, it’s essential for family and friends to be positive and supportive no matter how frustrating it may be. Questions and statements like “you remember, right?” only increase the person’s anxiety and frustration. Prompt and guide the person to be able to answer the question or complete the task instead of doing it for them.
How to document concerns without creating conflict
I encourage caregivers to create a journal that can be on paper or a shared file online for other members of the family to document observations and experiences as soon as they start to have a concern. This information can be used to determine frequency and trends and to share with the person’s physician. Often a physician will ask “when did you first start seeing a change?” so having documentation to share is useful.
Neuroscientist Christopher U. Missling, President and CEO of Anavex Life Sciences, puts it plainly: “The key distinction is this: Does the change affect their ability to manage daily life?”
When someone forgets a previous meal and cooks again — or gets lost in a familiar neighborhood — that’s not typical aging.
Smart Senior Daily Staff
Behavioral changes often show up before memory tests do
Families often expect memory loss to be the first sign. In reality, behavior is frequently the early clue.
“Cognitive changes often show up behaviorally before they show up on memory tests,” Missling notes.
That can look like:
- Withdrawal from social situations
- Irritability or personality shifts
- Difficulty with tasks they’ve done for decades
- Confusion when routines change
- Poor judgment or increased gullibility
“These aren’t character flaws,” Missling says. “They’re often the brain’s response to cognitive strain.”
Read Dr. Missling's full comments on early warning signs
How Adult Children Can Tell Normal Aging from True Cognitive Decline
Adult children frequently ask me to determine whether their parents show typical aging symptoms or signs of cognitive decline. The distinction between normal aging and cognitive decline requires immediate attention because it makes a significant difference in treatment outcomes.
Normal aging brings about occasional memory lapses, which include losing keys and forgetting room entrances, and struggling to recall familiar names. These experiences affect everyone at some point.
People experience a natural slowing down of their mental processing speed and information retrieval time as they grow older. Your parent will need extra time to answer questions, and they might need to repeat information they shared with you during the previous week.
The warning signs of cognitive decline differ from typical aging symptoms because they create problems with performing daily tasks. The brain shows memory loss that creates problems with daily activities.
Your parent will forget their previous meal, so they will make another one. The person becomes completely lost in their familiar neighborhood. People who encounter your parent in their daily life start to notice unusual behavior in their behavior.
The key distinction: Does the change affect their ability to manage daily life?
What Behavioral Changes Often Appear First
Here's something many families don't expect: cognitive changes often show up behaviorally before they show up on memory tests.
Before your parent says, "I can't remember," you might notice:
Mood or personality shifts — Someone who was once easygoing becomes irritable. A typically social parent starts declining invitations. Someone who loved cooking suddenly finds it overwhelming. These aren't character flaws; they're often the brain's response to cognitive strain.
Difficulty with complex tasks — Managing finances, following a recipe with multiple steps, or organizing a family event becomes visibly harder. They might struggle with something they've done automatically for decades. They may ask the same question multiple times in one conversation—not because they're being difficult, but because they genuinely don't retain the answer.
Changes in word-finding — Everyone has an occasional "tip-of-the-tongue" moment. What we watch for is increasing frequency and frustration. Your parent might substitute words ("I need the... the thing you write with" instead of "pen"), or they might struggle mid-sentence and lose the thread of their own thought.
Difficulty with routine changes — Normal aging might mean your parent needs a little more time to adjust to new systems or environments. True cognitive decline shows up as genuine confusion or distress when familiar routines change, even minor ones.
Social withdrawal or confusion in group settings — Your parent might have always been the life of the party, but now they sit quietly at family dinners, or they seem anxious in settings with multiple conversations happening at once.
Poor judgment or increased gullibility — This one worries families for good reason. Your parent might become susceptible to scams they would have spotted immediately before, or make uncharacteristic financial decisions.
None of these changes alone means your parent is developing Alzheimer's disease. But a pattern of these changes—especially when multiple people who see them regularly have noticed something, warrants attention.
What NOT to Do (Nagging, Arguing, Correcting)
Adult children frequently make their most common error when dealing with their parents.
People with cognitive decline should not receive immediate memory corrections from others. People with memory loss experience natural frustration when others try to correct their mistakes about past events. The person will not understand the correction even if you try to explain it.
People should avoid constant reminders about the changes they observe. The way you express your concerns about their memory will make them feel like you are attacking them. The person will develop defensive behavior and deny their situation. People who experience cognitive decline already sense their mental decline, so they do not need additional confirmation.
People who experience cognitive decline already sense their mental decline, so they do not need additional confirmation. People should avoid disputing the occurrence of events.
The argument about your parents' memory will never result in victory because they remain convinced about their recollection, while you doubt its accuracy. The process of arguing will lead to exhaustion of all participants involved.
People with early cognitive decline may develop false memories and experience difficulties understanding when events occurred. The brain remains unaffected by arguments because they generate only additional conflicts.
People should avoid sharing their essential concerns when their parent shows signs of distress. The time for discussing doctor visits with your parent should be when they are calm.
People should avoid making their parents feel embarrassed about their situation. Your parent should never experience any comments that imply their mental decline or their status as a burden to others. People who experience shame about their cognitive symptoms will hide their symptoms and stay away from medical care, and cut themselves off from social contact, which leads to faster decline.
The following actions will help you handle situations effectively: Maintain composure while you guide them softly and express your affection through words while taking direct action instead of engaging in arguments.
How to Document Concerns Without Creating Conflict
The main reason for documentation is to obtain specific data that healthcare providers need and to determine if observed patterns stem from actual changes or result from excessive monitoring.
Keep a simple log. You don't need anything elaborate. Note the date, what happened, and any context. Examples:
- "Dad forgot his granddaughter's name (she visited last month). Asked three times in one hour."- "Mom called twice, asking if we had dinner plans. We discussed it that morning."- "Dad seemed confused about which medications to take, even though we've organized them in a pill dispenser for months."
Notice patterns over weeks and months, not days. One forgotten name or one confused moment isn't a pattern. Three or four concrete examples over 4-6 weeks are worth noting.
Keep your documentation process hidden from your parents' view. The process of recording their mistakes in real time creates feelings of being watched and judged. Your notes should remain confidential.
Share your observations with other family members who also interact with your parent regularly. Have you observed any changes in your parent? The first time you noticed any changes occurred when?
The discussions with others about your parents' changes will show that different people have observed similar developments. The information holds significant value because it confirms your observations.
The approach to discussing doctor visits with your parent should focus on preventive care by saying, "I would feel better if you got checked by a doctor" or "The things we have discussed might have easy explanations through medication side effects or sleep issues, or vitamin deficiencies, so let's get checked out."
When you present your documented observations to a physician, you should directly present them by saying, "During the last two months, he has shown repeated questions about topics we discussed that morning, and he got lost on his usual route to a familiar location, and he has become more withdrawn than usual. We wanted to bring this to your attention.''
Speech-language pathologist and brain-health specialist Marilyn Abramson sees this pattern regularly in families she coaches.
“It becomes more concerning when changes begin to interfere with daily life,” she says — repeating stories, misplacing items in odd locations, struggling with familiar tools, or showing changes in judgment or personality.
Her advice is consistent across cases: don’t focus on isolated moments. Watch for patterns.
What not to do: Correct, argue, or embarrass
One of the most common mistakes adult children make is trying to “fix” the problem through correction.
“Nagging, arguing, or correcting never works,” Mikosch says. “Questions like ‘you remember, right?’ only increase anxiety.”
Missling agrees. People with early cognitive decline are often already aware something isn’t right. Public correction can push them toward denial, withdrawal, or avoidance of medical care.
Shame, he warns, accelerates isolation — and isolation accelerates decline.
Carolyn Ames
Document quietly — and respectfully
If concerns persist, experts recommend documenting what you’re seeing — discreetly.
Missling suggests a simple log noting dates, behaviors, and context over several weeks. The goal isn’t to “prove” anything. It’s to help doctors see patterns that families often struggle to describe under pressure.
“Three or four concrete examples over a month or two are far more useful than general worry,” he says.
Just as important: keep notes private. Recording mistakes in real time can make a parent feel watched or judged.
Trust your instincts — without jumping to conclusions
Families often worry they’re overreacting.
They’re usually not.
“I tell families to trust their observations,” Abramson says. “They don’t need to diagnose anything. But if something feels off, it’s appropriate to check in with a healthcare professional.”
Early evaluation doesn’t create a diagnosis. It creates clarity — and options.
And as Sparacino reminds adult children, the goal isn’t panic or control.
“It’s about noticing patterns,” she says, “and checking them out together.”
Read Marilyn Abramson's full comments on early warning signs
How adult children can tell the difference between cognitive decline and normal aging.
As a speech-language pathologist and brain health education specialist, I’ve had this conversation with family members many times. It's important to understand that some changes are considered to be part of the normal aging process, such as occasionally searching for a word or misplacing keys or eyeglasses.
It becomes more concerning when those changes begin to interfere with daily life. If they begin noticing their loved one repeating themselves more often, having trouble managing familiar tasks, getting lost in well-known locations, placing items in inappropriate places (keys in the refrigerator), feeling confused about how to use a familiar object (even momentarily), or having changes judgment or personality, it may signal something beyond typical aging.
I always tell families to trust their observations. They don’t need to diagnose anything, but they should be paying attention to patterns, rather than isolated moments. And if something feels “off,” it’s appropriate to check in with a healthcare professional as soon as they notice these changes. Early understanding will bring them clarity, support, and peace of mind.
FAQ: What Readers Ask Most Often
Questions That Readers Frequently Ask
How can I tell if memory loss is normal aging or something more serious?
Normal aging involves slowing, not loss of function. Concern rises when changes are new, frequent, and interfere with daily life — especially safety, money, medications, or orientation.
What are the earliest behavioral signs families tend to miss?
Social withdrawal, irritability, difficulty with familiar tasks, confusion during routine changes, and poor judgment often appear before obvious memory loss.
Should I correct my parent when they forget things?
No. Correction and arguing increase anxiety and resistance. Support, gentle guidance, and calm conversation are far more effective.
How long should I observe changes before talking to a doctor?
Experts suggest documenting patterns over 4–6 weeks. A handful of concrete examples is often enough to prompt a meaningful medical conversation.
What’s the best way to raise concerns without causing conflict?
Frame it as a health check — not an accusation. Focus on shared goals like safety, clarity, and peace of mind rather than “memory problems.”
Medical & Educational Disclaimer
This article is for educational and informational purposes only and is not intended to provide medical advice, diagnosis, or treatment. Alzheimer’s disease and other forms of dementia can present differently from person to person, and only a qualified healthcare professional can evaluate symptoms, order appropriate tests, and make a diagnosis.
If you have concerns about memory, behavior, or cognitive changes — whether for yourself or a loved one — speak with a physician, neurologist, or other qualified medical provider promptly. Early evaluation can help identify treatable conditions, clarify next steps, and provide access to appropriate support and resources.
Smart Senior Daily does not replace professional medical guidance. Always consult a healthcare professional with questions about health conditions or care decisions.
