Part 4: Safety, Fraud, and the Hard Conversations Families Dread
For many families, Alzheimer’s doesn’t announce itself with a dramatic turning point. It creeps in quietly — through small safety lapses, subtle financial confusion, or a growing sense that something isn’t quite secure anymore.
By the time adult children realize they’re worried about driving, medications, or money, the stakes already feel high. These are not casual conversations. They are the ones that can strain trust, stir fear, and leave parents feeling exposed.
The challenge isn’t deciding whether safety matters. It’s figuring out how to protect a parent without making them feel powerless.
When the house becomes unsafe — quietly
Home safety risks often don’t look dramatic. They look ordinary.
“It’s important to spot silent hazards," Stephen Bleeker, MBA, Founder & CEO at Assurance Home Care, told Smart Senior Daily.
"Things like poor lighting, cluttered walkways, loose rugs, and steep stairs are common risks that often go unnoticed.”
Patty Laychock, a Certified Dementia Practitioner and Alzheimer’s Association support group facilitator, and Director of Operations at Visiting Angels, urges families to approach home safety with the same seriousness they once applied to baby-proofing — only more so.
Laychock puts it bluntly: “The best home-safety improvements are the ones you actually make. Don’t delay; make home safety your top priority.”
Laychock encourages families to think in three categories at once:
- Mobility needs, such as grab bars near the tub, toilet, and shower
- Sensory challenges, including brighter bulbs and motion-activated night lights to reduce nighttime falls
- Cognitive supports, like appliances with automatic shut-offs and emergency contact information posted in large, readable print
Home safety, she notes, is not a one-time project. As Alzheimer’s progresses, abilities change. Re-evaluating the home every few months — even setting a recurring “check-in” date — helps families stay ahead of new risks instead of reacting to them.
For parents who strongly value independence or are prone to wandering, Laychock says in-home care support can make the difference between aging safely at home and a sudden crisis. Peace of mind, she notes, is often priceless — for both the parent and the family.
All of Stephen Bleeker's comments on safety & fraud
When the house becomes unsafe
It’s important to spot silent hazards. Things like poor lighting, cluttered walkways, loose rugs, and steep stairs are common risks that often go unnoticed.
The good news is that a lot of these risks can be mitigated with the right adaptations to age in place. Grab bars, non-slip flooring, and walk-in tubs are a few examples of changes you can make that transform the home into a safer, more accessible environment.
Marrying safety and autonomy can sometimes feel like a balancing act. Be sure to reassure them that the goal isn’t to remove control; it’s to find and create a new environment that allows your parent(s) to thrive in the home they love.
When driving becomes dangerous
There are indicators to watch out for that will signal when driving may become dangerous. Abnormal direction challenges, delayed reaction times, and difficulty with some traffic cues are things you may begin to notice. Be sure to acknowledge the emotional toll that this change takes. For many, driving represents independence, and you need to practice empathy to recognize their perspective.
How to start the “hard talks” early without making Mom or Dad feel helpless
Frame these conversations around care, concern, and common ground. You don’t need to come from a place of crisis. These conversations can start early and be revisited often to support thoughtful, collaborative planning rather than reactive decision-making. It’s vital to let your parent(s) lead this discussion as much as possible. It’s their future, and it doesn’t need to be about reverse parenting; it’s about partnership.
When driving becomes dangerous — and emotional
Few conversations land harder than driving.
Missed turns, delayed reactions, or confusion on familiar roads may signal that driving is becoming unsafe. But driving is rarely just about transportation. It represents identity, autonomy, and competence.
Bleeker urges families to acknowledge that emotional weight before jumping to conclusions. Empathy doesn’t remove the danger — but it preserves dignity.
Laychock recommends addressing driving early, even at diagnosis. Some families choose to create a written driving agreement that gives permission to intervene when safety becomes an issue. Framed as protection — not punishment — it can reduce conflict later.
She also suggests quietly reducing the need to drive: home delivery for groceries and medications, fewer errands, and built-in transportation alternatives. Fewer reasons to drive often means less driving.
During visits, families should notice new dents, scratches, tickets, or changes in confidence behind the wheel.
As Laychock puts it simply, “if you don’t feel safe with them behind the wheel, they shouldn’t be driving.”
Laychock notes that many states offer medical review processes through their DMV when cognitive impairment is involved, and some families turn to third-party driving evaluations. Others take practical steps — from limiting access to keys to disabling the vehicle — to prevent harm. However uncomfortable, safety must come first.
Planning transportation alternatives before driving stops is key. Public transit, senior ride programs, volunteer drivers, or scheduled outings with family or caregivers can soften the emotional blow and preserve social connection.
All of Patty Laychock's comments on safety & fraud
Approach home safety with an critical eye. Parents may recall "baby proofing" the home before their infant began crawling. "Senior proofing" the home for a person with Alzheimer's requires an even more heightened level of scrutiny.
Multiple Alzheimer's associations and government groups offer suggestions on how to make the home more safe. I have a few suggestions, too:
1.) The best home-safety improvements are the ones you actually make. Don't delay; make home safety your top priority.
2.) Be sure to address mobility concerns (e.g., add grasp bars near tub, toilet and shower), sensory concerns (e.g., use brighter lightbulbs and motion- or time-activated night lights to improve nighttime vision and prevent falls) and cognitive/memory concerns (use appliances with automatic shutoffs, post emergency and family contact information in large print type in conspicuous places).
3.) Home safety is an ongoing issue that will need to be re-evaluated every few months as the disease progresses to see if any additional changes are needed. Pick a date (e.g, first day of a new quarter), to re-assess your senior parent's abilities and home environment. Increase or decrease check-in frequency as warranted.
4.) If your loved one values their independence and/or is prone to wandering, consider hiring an in-home care provider who can help ensure your senior parent is safe and able to live at home for as long as possible. Peace of mind is priceless.
When driving becomes dangerous
There are ways to address driving proactively. When a senior parent is first diagnosed, draw up a driving contract that gives you permission to help them stop driving when they can no longer do so safely. Present it as a safety measure for themselves as well as for others on the road. The Alzheimer's Association has a contract template online. Whether they sign the contract or not, reduce driving need by subscribing to home delivery of medications and groceries, for example. Fewer reasons to drive means less driving.
Each time you visit, check your senior parent's car for new dents or scratches, and look for any traffic citations or tickets. Go for a drive with your senior parent and notice if they seem nervous, their speed is too fast or slow for the road condition, if they confuse the brake or gas pedals or can't remember how to drive to a familiar location. If you don't feel safe with them behind the wheel, they shouldn't be driving. (If you don't live near your parent, enlist the aid of a friendly neighbor to keep you apprised of any noticeable changes the next time you visit.)
Most states have specific rules for older drivers, so check your local DVM website for more details. Some states, like New Jersey where I live, have a Medical Review Unit which can evaluate whether/not a person's license should be restricted or revoked once a Alzheimer's diagnosis is reported. The DMV may refer you to third-party organization to evaluate a driver's capabilities in physical and cognitive terms. I've known families who hide the car keys or remove the car battery so it won't start. Whatever works to keep your loved one and other people on the road safe is a good option.
Finally, like teenagers when they first get their license, many senior adults consider driving the key to independence, so plan ahead for alternate transportation options. Public transit often has discounted senior fares. Some civic, community and church groups have volunteers who will drive seniors. Schedule regular dates/times when you, another family member or professional caregiver accompanies your senior adult to his/her favorite destinations for socialization, mental stimulation or a change of scenery.
Medication and money oversight
It's a good idea to secure two durable power of attorney documents, one for medical and one for financial concerns. It doesn't mean you have to mange your senior parent's prescriptions or finances right away, but it will be one less issue to be addressed down the road.
For medication oversight, obtain the current medication list from your senior parent's primary care provider, making sure the lists matches the prescription containers in their home. Review and understand what each prescription is for, including dosage, side effect details, etc. Even before your senior parent has trouble remembering, take advantage of technology -- use virtual assistants (e.g., Siri) to deliver audible reminders when it's time to take medication, or use day-of-the-week pill containers, or both. Access to medial records is also important so be sure to accompany your senior parent on scheduled doctor visits as often as possible.
From the financial perspective, I recommend a credit freeze, so you can prevent new account openings by your senior parent or anyone else. Next, it's a matter of winnowing responsibilities to meet their capabilities. For example, automate as many bills as possible so your senior parent doesn't have to worry about paying bills. Monitor bank accounts for unusual activity or limit withdrawals to a certain amount or frequency.
Certified Senior Advisors can also help manage the aging process. Sometimes parents will heed the advice of a CSA instead of their own adult children -- I'm a CSA and I've seen that happen. CSAs can provide information on finances, healthcare, legal issues, social and emotional concerns for you and your family. This information is also available online, but for some hiring a CSA is a convenient way for help covering every aspect of the aging process.
Alzheimer’s-specific scams and exploitation
People with dementia are often more prone to financial, identity theft scams and robberies due to their cognitive and memory declines. In addition to the suggestions noted above (credit report freeze, automate bill pay, withdrawal limits on bank accounts) ,families may sign up to be notified when large amounts are charged to credit cards and sign up on do-not-call lists to avoid solicitations.
How to start the “hard talks” early without making Mom or Dad feel helpless
First, make sure you mind is in the right place, as full of empathy and compassion as possible. Senior adults who used to decide everything -- from where to work to what's for dinner -- have difficulty accepting that their lives have permanently changed. Anyone would! Approach these conversations as a partnership and accept senior parent input.
Next, choose the right time to have conversations. The best time to talk about difficult topics is early in the day or after a meal, when senior adults are most clear headed. Maintain eye contact and use short, simple sentences. Try to make space for senior adults to process what you are saying and contribute to the conversation. If things go off track, take a deep breath, change the subject and try again the next day.
Additional two cents:
As an adult child takes these steps to care for their elder parent, its not too early to think about how you want to handle your own aging process. Decisions whittle down choices, as does age. The best you can do is be prepared. Do your homework, research and build your patience and acceptance muscles.
Smart Senior Daily Staff
Medication and money oversight: unavoidable realities
As Alzheimer’s progresses, medication management and financial oversight become unavoidable — and often contentious.
April McKenna, VP, Talent and Org Development, at Agemark Senior Living, lays it out like this: “Without a plan, families are forced into reactive decisions that often create conflict and fear. The goal is not control — it’s protection.”
Laychock emphasizes preparation over takeover. Securing both medical and financial powers of attorney early doesn’t mean assuming control immediately — it simply removes one major hurdle later.
On the medication side, she advises families to reconcile prescription lists with what’s actually in the home, understand what each medication is for, and use simple technology — pill organizers, audible reminders, or virtual assistants — before memory becomes unreliable. Attending medical appointments together also ensures accurate information and continuity.
Financial protections matter just as much. Laychock recommends credit freezes to prevent unauthorized account openings, automating bills to reduce errors, and monitoring accounts for unusual activity. Limiting withdrawal amounts or frequencies can prevent catastrophic losses while still allowing autonomy.
In some cases, she notes, parents respond better to guidance from a neutral professional than from their own children. Certified Senior Advisors and similar professionals can help families navigate financial, legal, and healthcare decisions with less emotional friction.
All of April McKenna's comments about safety & fraud
Medication and money oversight
Medication management, financial oversight, and daily safety decisions become unavoidable as dementia progresses. Without a plan, families are forced into reactive decisions that often create conflict and fear. The goal is not control - it’s protection. Framing support around reducing stress, simplifying routines, and preventing risk helps preserve dignity while ensuring safety.
How to start the “hard talks” early without making Mom or Dad feel helpless
Ideally, legal documents such as a will, Power of Attorney, and healthcare directives are in place before a diagnosis - but in many cases, they are not. When they aren’t, families must navigate these conversations much more gently. Successful discussions should focus on honoring wishes, and positioning oversight as support. Using neutral professionals can also help these conversations be more successful.
Discussions about money, medications, driving, and safety rarely happen just once. Repetition, consistency, and calm language matters more than logic or explanations. When emotions rise, pausing is often the most loving response. Protecting a loved one with dementia doesn’t mean taking over their life - it means carrying what they no longer can, while still respecting who they are.
Alzheimer’s-specific scams and exploitation
Cognitive decline doesn’t just affect memory. It affects judgment — and scammers know it.
People living with Alzheimer’s are at higher risk for financial exploitation, identity theft, and high-pressure scams. Increased gullibility or sudden financial changes are often early warning signs.
In addition to safeguards like credit freezes and account alerts, Laychock suggests registering phone numbers on do-not-call lists and setting notifications for large credit card charges. These small steps can prevent devastating losses — especially when introduced early and calmly.
How to start the hard talks — without making Mom or Dad feel helpless
The hardest conversations are rarely one-time events.
McKenna emphasizes that discussions about money, medications, driving, and safety require repetition, patience, and calm language. Logic alone rarely works. When emotions rise, pausing is often the most loving response.
Laychock adds that timing and tone matter. Difficult conversations often go better earlier in the day or after a meal, when seniors are most clear-headed. Short sentences, eye contact, and space to process can keep discussions from becoming overwhelming.
Most importantly, she urges families to approach these talks as partnerships. Senior adults who once made every decision now face permanent change — and that loss is real. When conversations drift off course, it’s okay to step back and try again another day.
Protecting a loved one with Alzheimer’s does not mean taking over their life. It means carrying what they no longer can — while still respecting who they are.
What Readers Ask Most Often
How do I know when my parent’s home is no longer safe?
Look for patterns, not isolated incidents: repeated falls, confusion navigating rooms, missed medications, or increasing clutter. Safety concerns usually build quietly before they become urgent.
When should someone with Alzheimer’s stop driving?
There’s no single moment. Warning signs include getting lost on familiar routes, slow reaction times, difficulty following traffic cues, or increased anxiety while driving. Early, ongoing conversations work better than sudden decisions.
How can families prevent financial exploitation?
Early safeguards matter. Monitoring accounts, setting transaction alerts, limiting access to large sums, and involving a trusted third party can prevent irreversible losses.
How do you talk about safety without taking away independence?
Frame changes around support and stress reduction. Use language like “making things easier” or “giving you fewer things to worry about,” rather than focusing on restrictions.
What legal documents should be in place early?
At minimum: a durable power of attorney, healthcare proxy, advance directives, and an updated will. Having these in place early allows the person with Alzheimer’s to participate in decisions while they still can.
Carolyn Ames
Disclaimer: This article is for educational purposes only and does not provide medical, legal, or mental health advice. Caregiving situations vary. If you are experiencing severe stress, depression, or health concerns, seek guidance from a qualified professional.
